I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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