I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
