I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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