I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
