Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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