I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
