Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize