: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
