Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Randomize
