She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
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we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
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Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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