Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.