You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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