How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
