It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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