there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
