so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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