why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
