It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Watching her eat just hurts me
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
