My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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