Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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