I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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