note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
