Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
