just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
