Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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