Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
