Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
