I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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