Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
