Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
