there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
