this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
