Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize