I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
