You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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