i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
