Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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