Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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