True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
