the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The power of my boobs compel you
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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