I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
