It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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