Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fence marks all over my body
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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