mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
