he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
