you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
