Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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