So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
