apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
