I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Green mimosas i think yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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