Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
