Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
