i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize