Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
