He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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