No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?