She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"