So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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