I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
