If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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