i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line