Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
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I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
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I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.