:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My liver is preforming stress tests.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.