i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.