i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
