Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
